I TOLD MYSELF I WASN’T GOING TO GET MY NAILS DONE FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER AND I LASTED EXACTLY FIVE WEEKS, AND THEN WENT TO THE FUCKING SHADIEST PLACE IMAGINABLE AND HAD THESE MONSTROSITIES PUT ON. It was like a drug binge, I’m telling you. I was fiending. I sat down in the chair and saw the design board and my vagina automatically contracted. When he opened the bottle of acrylic polymer and that sweet fume-y smell hit my nostrils I felt my spirit rise to heaven. And then he gave me a discount at the end and I came, I swear. I’m so easy to please. 

Anyway, they are long as fuck, even for me I don’t know what I was thinking. I can barely type right now. I did have him cut my thumbs short though so I can still text. Base color is OPI’s A Grape Fit! with black and white flourishes and Essie glitter topcoat. Except when I got home I thought that maybe they weren’t glittery enough so I put on more glitter topcoat. Story of my life. 

This weeks nails. I decided to do the tribal thing since I was bored. To be honest, I could go either way with it. When I first finished I was pretty excited about it but I think I was just high off of Sharpie fumes. It took like an hour and my left hand isn’t as perfect as I usually like things to be. I’m already itching to take this stuff off so I can do another glitter gradient. I just think I’m not hipster enough for this design. I don’t own a single garment in that American Apparel ‘Afrika’ print.

After that? I think i’m gonna (gasp) take this set off for the summer. Once it gets close to Memorial Day I’ll be at the beach every weekend and super poor (because I’ll have spent all of my money on tacos and malt beverages). Getting fills will be the last thing on my mind, and I won’t have time to take care of long nails. 

I will probably last a month and then go get another set though, I always do that. 

Not that anyone cares, but here are my nails for the past two weeks. I had the hot pink done in a rush before I left for L.A. and was generally happy with it except for the fact that THE ACRYLIC ON MY RIGHT THUMB CHIPPED OFF AFTER A WEEK. That never happens and it’s a sign I need to finally quit my #2 salon (where I had these done) because broken/chipped nails aren’t something I can fix easily at home. I’d have to go back to the salon and pay 5 bucks for a new nail and probably get goaded into a fill I don’t need while I’m at it. It’s like going to the mechanic for a tune up and then they screw something up on purpose so your car breaks and you have to take it back and get it fixed for $500.

The moral of this story is: Fuck you, Fancy Nails in the Fashion Square Mall, I knew you were trouble when you used a fucking nail clipper to cut my thumbs down instead of the drill. THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

Anyway, my shit was fucked up so I had to file one nail down like a crack whore and while I did that I decided to try the gradiated tips thing that’s getting really popular. I used a purple from Milani i’m obsessed with and it looked nice, but I figured everything would look nicer with iridescent glitter so I globbed that on, too. It’s really pretty and eye catching, but no one has noticed it yet because I work by myself and I only hang out wth my friends in dark rooms (bow chicka wow wow).

I replaced my gold polish with a gold holo glitter one so I think my next design will use that.

This week’s design. I’ve been lazy with my nails because I’m going to LA in a week and my nail game will be upped significantly while there. This is just to hold me over until then.

Quick nail post before I head home to buy a bottle of wine and take a nap (yes, simultaneously). Base color is some Wet and Wild-brand iridescent white shit that took me four coats to turn opaque but looks pretty decent, followed by leopard print in pretty much every color nail polish I own. I’m getting tired of leopard print every week (I know, what the fuck) but it’s so fucking easy and always looks impressive. I like the attention on them I guess, so I keep doing it. I get paid tomorrow so a fill and a pro design will follow.