1. Be male. 

2. Read books, but don’t be a dick about it. 

3. Enjoy cooking and eating and talking about cooking and eating.

4. Don’t be a pussy. God I hate am not attracted to shy, weak-willed men. Everyone thinks that because I’m such a ~independent~~strong~ lady I must love wearing the proverbial pants in the relationship and you know what, Everyone? You’re WRONG. I’m sorry I’m so fabulous you can’t even handle me but I want a guy who is so fabulous I can’t even handle HIM. 

5. Always drive when we’re together.

6. Touch my hair. 

7. Be ambitious. Know what you want to do with your life. Or at least give a shit about your future. I’m eventually going to have to care for my elderly parents and my mentally challenged sister. I don’t have time for dudes who are still exploring their spirit or waiting for their illustrious art career to surface, or smoking 3 bowls a day just to get through their 4 hour shift at Jimmy John’s.

8. Have nice hair. I really like boys with Quiffs who roll their shirt sleeves up above the elbow.