My fantasy football league wants to play for money this year.
Great, now I have to put in effort and not choose my team members on based on “Funniest Name” or “Been in the Most Tabloids” or “Prime-Numbered Jerseys” or “Is Really Hot”.
DAY THREE: EIGHT WAYS TO WIN MY HEART
1. Be male.
2. Read books, but don’t be a dick about it.
3. Enjoy cooking and eating and talking about cooking and eating.
4. Don’t be a pussy. God I hate am not attracted to shy, weak-willed men. Everyone thinks that because I’m such a ~independent~~strong~ lady I must love wearing the proverbial pants in the relationship and you know what, Everyone? You’re WRONG. I’m sorry I’m so fabulous you can’t even handle me but I want a guy who is so fabulous I can’t even handle HIM.
5. Always drive when we’re together.
6. Touch my hair.
7. Be ambitious. Know what you want to do with your life. Or at least give a shit about your future. I’m eventually going to have to care for my elderly parents and my mentally challenged sister. I don’t have time for dudes who are still exploring their spirit or waiting for their illustrious art career to surface, or smoking 3 bowls a day just to get through their 4 hour shift at Jimmy John’s.
8. Have nice hair. I really like boys with Quiffs who roll their shirt sleeves up above the elbow.
REST ASSURED: If there is a way to skin something, I am going to skin it.
DAY TWO: NINE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF
Late on this, let’s catch up!
I’ve never driven on a freeway.
Right now I’m craving a big hunk of baked brie with jam right on top.
I’ve killed every plant that has ever touched my desk at work.
Every morning I drink a small caramel iced coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts with cream and sugar. On paydays I allow myself Starbucks.
I listen to Pure Moods while I get ready to go out for the night.
I remember every person I meet, even if it’s only in passing. No one EVER remembers me. I’m constantly re-introducing myself.
I have 20/400 vision.
I love sweet and salty together. I like to mix Buncha Crunch in with my popcorn at the movies.
My dad and I’s life’s work has been trying to invent a snack that captures the flavor and consistency of the leftover burnt cheese on your plate. We plan on calling it Scorch-eez.
DAY ONE: TEN THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW
Ugh, I hate this passive-agressive shit. I made some of these up so don’t bother asking me about them. ~I’LL NEVER TELL~
You are not my boss.
The fact that you’ve gotten so judgy lately is obviously you projecting your insecurities about your life choices on others.
Yes, you were rude, and she’s not the only person who was mad at you for it. But I think that bridge was burned a while ago.
Your friends are talking about you behind your back about something really personal and I think that’s fucked up and undeserved.
When you’re not giving me what I want, I am intensely annoyed by every little part of you. I’m sorry for that.
I blocked you on twitter because you weren’t following me lol
I want your life. Let’s trade.
I still have that text in my phone. :)
I don’t know how to have a conversation about you saying racist things without you freaking out about it.
You (all of you) only know what I want you to know about me. I don’t feel any obligation to be an open book to you. It’s not worth it.
- [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
- 3,450 Plays
never tear us apart // inxs
Oh okay, NOW I see why everyone thinks I’m Asian. Most people ask me if I’m Asian before they ask me if I’m Hispanic/Mixed. Come on now, how many Asians have you seen with a head that large, though?
And yeah, that lipstick is just an experiment that will never happen again. It’s corals only for me from here on out.
DOES ANYONE ELSE
use dribbble.com as a datingstalking site? Or am I the only one with a thing for Graphic Designers?
